there is beauty in vulnerability

hola.

there is beauty in so many things. in true things. authentic things. in the real you.
whether we care to admit it….we all shield our hearts and put a veil (or clothes) on our not-so-perfect selves.

being vulnerable is not so much a bad thing. really it isn’t. it sounds pretty scary… like the first day of school. or it can feel like someone just kicked you in the gut and you have this ache int he pit of your stomach and you can’t breath… you can’t catch your breath.

but it isn’t that bad….it simply is a state of revealing all your sides. your good sides, your insecure side, your shiny and broken sides.  it’s about having the courage to be honest about who you really are. (and that’s the good part—you have courage by your side!– way to go , courage!)

ahem…
vulnerability…. it’s about allowing others to see what moves you and breaks you and be okay with that. but it also means that we accept the less-known or unknown or the things and moments we can’t control.
it’s true ,  we prefer to be seen as stronger beautiful people. but there comes a time when we experience our more vulnerable selves on automatic and without a second thought or when we share our authentic selves with others whom we feel a certain level of comfort with.

It can leave us broken and wounded at times, but we can also gain strength from it. sometimes…we regret it. we regret how we allowed ourselves to become an open book….
regret it for fear  of being judged or labeled or kicked out of the book club or rejected by your family or spouse or worse, having someone feel sorry and take pity on you.  They don’t see that you live each day with all your heart.  they’re missing the depth of your emotions.

for the less vulnerable people out there…i sometimes am horrible on quickly judging them myself. i feel sorry for them. always having to put on a facade— i imagine it must be tiring day after day. for the alcoholic man who hides behind his wife’s charms and for the charming wife who smiles and nods at everyone… They go home and cry behind closed doors. for the realtor who has made horrible deals with the devil and is about to lose his house at any moment….i feel horrible for him to have to smile and shake hands with potential sellers and buyers…
for the young woman who’s boyfriend just left her and she walks around with her head high and shoulder’s back… it must be awful not to let anyone in and hug it out.

but then…. who am i too judge or label? i won’t reject or kick you out. on the contrary….

don’t get me wrong, i know that we want to be the giant masterpiece … a portrait of a might and strength, but showing your authentic self is easy. really,  it is. it’s easier than carrying on a day full of  superficial  moments.
being true (and vulnerable)  comes naturally to some people. it doesn’t mean you have to reveal every little dirty secret (although i love secrets!!!) or every fault or fuck up, it just means you show the real you the weak or strong or pissed off or happy in love or bitter and sour… depressed or confused, or burned out and deflated….or rich and powerful, or greater than life you… the person who just cried. THAT you.
when you do show the real you you experience a true connection with yourself – so real that it transforms into this beautiful glow (would that be your aura?) . and this glow attracts others and you create a connection with them. a whole connection.

oh, i don’t know… something like that. i guess…. and this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be tough and proud and strong … it just means that it’s ok to admit you screwed up or you got your heart broken or you’re about to lose your house or husband or job… and you feel royally fucked.
i think. :)
and it doesn’t mean that i want to hear you bitch and complain and cry my ears out all the damn time (i won’t do that to you either, promise!), it just means that when you hit rock bottom (again), it’s okay to admit it, BUT get your pretty little ass up and get moving to a more comfortable and reachable place. dust it off and move on.

and…. also… nowadays there are various stages of vulnerability…. you know, with this blogging shit and facebook and texting ….

/wanna be uplifting crappyness with a naked mom.
(yikes!)

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