an apology

an apology note from an old friend made me think… what does “sorry” mean, anyway? one single word against a load of pretty bad actions. it doesn’t seem fair, but a seemingly sincere “sorry” can overpower ‘bad’ things , i guess. maybe. right? and, i mean, ‘bad’ ? what is bad, really? so… i guess it’s better to read a short, informal apology note– a surprising “sorry” , than to be illiterate. /sober sarcasm :) so, apology accepted.   waitaminute…. hmmm… (not that i am searching for one!!) but, i imagine…

open the curtains and love the wine you’re with

So i hate hate hate short days… (hate’s an aggressive and strong word, i know…but i don’t care!) So, on short days… i find myself moping around…and it sucks. but… BUT , at the same time, i love this time of year… i love halloween and the scents and pumkin and corn bread… AND it must be my internal clock and my own internal therapy or something…but i also find myself doing this stuff: (gah, another list!) redecorating things… i painted the walls bleu. it’s my mood. not bleu as…

stuck in the middle

i may have middle child syndrome. i don’t know. i mean, my sisters tell me… i do. i only listen to the good parts of it. i’ve learned to negotiate and compromise without even trying. i think that (again this is sister’s point of view) she may be right. i always say: whenever, whatever, when you can, when you want. is it just my personality or is it because it’s i’m the middle child? and then, i get to thinkin’! fuck… i’m always second.  and it sucks.   then, my friend… she…

a budget for a good glass of wine or getting your hair professionally done

cash flow is low. well… i think i’ll get a box  from the drug store (again!) and a goooood bottle. because i’m worth it. and even if i’m not… i deserve it… and even if I don’t… i’ve earned it…. and even if I haven’t… I need it. :) I’ll share. my paint and my wine. if you need it, too. and i’ll day dream of driving on the 128 or something. or a small dusty road in france. well…until the toxic fumes kick in.  

semblance, tapped out and disaster

when we’re tapped out , both financially and emotionally, we dry out and are completely exhausted… and some times we continue with hope in our days. maybe it’s not hope it’s just routine. and we’re afraid to try anything different , we find ourselves stuck. it sucks. and, maybe,  in our current life we try to find some semblance of the good old days… and the people around you don’t understand  your decisions. they only see the front door. they don’t understand…because you have a good looking husband and cute…

once upon a time there was a pay cheque

the idea of having a 9-5 job sounds fantastique. and having that steady pay cheque sounds yummy. and the idea that you do not have to constantly bill clients and hope that everyone pays on time is so far out and appealing. but,  really…. hmmm….could i handle it? if i’m at work, who would pick up her up if she fell climbing these trees? who would see her smile when she finally did it? sigh.

day 16 – borrowing and acting like a lady

if you’re nice… you can borrow my pillow. my shoes. my purse. some money. my apartment. my car… can’t borrow my man, though. :) i opened a kraft cheese plastic-ish slice of ‘cheese’. i don’t like them very much. but,  it was there,  and i was curious. something about that taste reminds me of jr high cafeteria lunch.  the grilled cheese sandwiched wrapped up in a foil bag. when i would unwrap it, most of the cheese stayed stuck on the wrap. it was a little hard and some still…

day 15 – moving and creating

was wondering where you were. traveling? cooped up? one friend went on a business trip. sounded good to me. but it wasn’t only that. it was more than a business trip. other friend didn’t call me for four whole days. i texted a smiley face and the usual ‘i’m thinking about you’. no reply from my friend. when you know someone for a long time, you know something’s not all right. not all clear. but you just hope that they are well. physically and mentally well. anyway…. my friends…eventually she…

day 14 – rolling my eyes and batting my lashes

I’m being a bitch …but when i’m done with all my bitch-y-ness, i’ll give you a hug and hope you forget about it… k? i was working in the morning.. updating clients’ social media pages and adding the 140 ‘effective’ characters on their twitter accounts…some posts on their facebook accounts… etc etc. and all the posts i’m adding and many replying to and commenting on… made me wonder a few things. why do so many SO FUCKING MANY people post all the time? post the same poop all the time.…

fill in the blanks, part cuatro

i want to ask you questions. i have questions. but you probably won’t answer them.. But i  wonder if you will this one time- just this once? or maybe i had another chance to ask them but i missed that opportunity. i have questions …i hope you answer them. have a seat… and tell me… but… in your moments of decisions and spontaneous answers , or well-thought-out comments, the best thing you can do is the right thing… the thing that makes sense and fits you pretty well at that…

day 4 circling around (338)

we circle around. our circle serves many purposes ..unity, whole, endless (infinity)… draw a circle in the air for a hug.. draw a circle on the ground and step inside for protection… eternity… etc. or the moon… something about a full moon that takes me home. takes me to days of walking with my mom in the evening… going to the little market. the moon above us and her humming some little tune not sure where i’m going with this (again, like most things)… but  circles make me feel like everything…

art appreciation and winter hibernation

mmmm… nature… um, with some help from pollution… ahem… let’s try it again… mmmm, nature….stirring the soul.. and stuff. :) making our feet move a little slower …and it draws us in and we feel like we’re floating. and it’s ok to carry on…aimlessly adrift. days like these take our breath away and we remind ourselves to breath a little. but.. then, there we go again, walking toward the sky. absorbing.  just  pulls us in.  and then we trip and we hope no one is looking and notices our awkward…

ni modo

if we stop growing…if our whole being stops growing our parts atrophy. if we stop being curious ..if we stop wondering… our spirit withers. really. it does. no matter how old you are or where you live you should never stop growing. you can only grow by challenging yourself. your mind needs to think, critical thinking, i mean, to grow. your spirit and soul have to be inspired and given something to look forward to with excitement. your body and muscles have to experience resistance … all this makes you…

long day, big coffee

today…. it will be a long day. so,  i’ll start with no nonsense. but if i stumble upon some, then i’ll shake it off  and kick whom ever gets in my way to the curb. :) i have no time or energy for waste, to waste. and this day…as heavy as it is…has a ton of good stuff to offer.  has lots and ounces of hopes and goodness and when i’m done…. then, i’m done. but i’ll start with a big cup of coffee. (and a little half and half….shhhh)…

fill in the blanks, part dos

uh oh, “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” –Ayn Rand If my  fill-in-the-blanks are a bit foolish, that’s okay, you can come up with others yourself. or you can just sit back and learn a little from some foolishness at a daily note. com’n not everything or everyone can be wise 24/7. in your moments of decisions and spontaneous answers , or well-thought-out comments, the best thing you can do is the right thing… the thing that makes sense and…

chasing good days

when you get all negative , combative or  down and start throwing punches and kicking sand, and elbowing your way around and through the supermarket…. just get out and get some sun. go for a walk with your ipod and do a little dance. who cares if someone is watching. they can joy if they want. or they can turn the other way. no dancing?  ok , then… get out and  take your camera and snap some prettyness or something bleu or melancholic… yes even the bleus will inspire  and…

falling: in love, apart, down, out…

(july 17, edit (thanks, ed.)) and of course…falling gracefully. :) oooh, and falling in a vineyard , into a hole, in a barrel, into a good glass of wine, into strong arms, out of love, out of…um…escrow, out of the bleu… rising… sitting… floating… tasting… View My Entire Album on Google+ a winerd getaway with the chicas. :) love my troublemaker fwends …on a saturday. (L to R) laura , wendy, deana, theresa. wine tasting in paso robles. stanger vineyards :) (L to R) theresa, wendy , laura and deana…

animism, soul, and spirit.

hmmm…. i’ve got that. i’ve got soul, and spirit…so why do you hide me? invisible. sometimes that’s what we are. but our energy and zest and spirit and long arms… keep you coming back…. so why do you hide me? when we sit and talk about past events or passed lives or forgotten dreams …dreams postponed and goals not yet reached… our souls get filled…our spirits lifted…our minds start spinning and our hearts protected. then it stops. we go back to ‘real’ world. but, hey, THIS is my real world.…