the grand state of being a perpetual beginner

I’m not fond of the words novice or newbie. (well, i don’t completely hate them but I just prefer other words!) i like the word beginner. I’m not sure that i’m a beginner at everything, but i like to look at things as if it’s the first time or as if it’s the last time i’ll see them. i like to think i do this, anyway. i like to start new things, ideas, projects…I like to be a beginner. this doesn’t mean I’m staying idle or abandoning and leaving things incomplete.…

rain, sleet and the attempt at a love poem. (VIDEO)

  this is a love poem for you to let you know someone loves you without regrets, without expectations, without pride. it’s only simple and genuine love. who knows where this love came from? or when this love happened? or how love began? love can’t answer these questions. in light or darkness, in public or secret. in a lonely house, in a crowded space, there is love for you. it’s enough that you are loved. and, when you find that this love poem is treu and only for you, you’ll…

a sunday drive through a rainy paradise (VIDEO)

driving at the speed limit, today. not that it matters. so many palm trees in the cemetery. the dead must feel like they’re in paradise. but not today. most days they’ll soak up the sun, and enjoy a cool breeze…or a balmy evening. but not today. today, they’ll enjoy a cold chill with heavy winds and rain. all day. they’ll enjoy some visitors chasing wind-blown umbrellas through the headstones and name plates across the field. but when the storm runs out of rain and wind…and things are more calm, it…

the tactile words in the elevator (video) 11

(blank*) tears** you apart*** because it’s real even when, sadly, it’s too short   pulls** lifts** high*** love* life* elevators*   raspy parched smooth polished translucent oaky     tears and pulls in the elevator.   a  raspy voice says, going up.   next time, we take the stairs.   (shoes and faces. and scents and smiles. because dozens of words are visible from one floor to the next. in the elevator. in my head. )  

the depths of a wild heart with wishes- por si las moscas (video)

sometimes you just have to escape and detach and separate yourself for a little while… and go free and wild and show them how very real you are and show them there’s a little more depth to you… more than they can see and feel… and have them open their eyes wide. have them wonder what you’ve done. and let them ask themselves, “how’d she do that?!” let them think you’re magical. and scandalous. let them think you have powers beyond this dimension. and maybe ruffle some feathers… …or just ruffle your own. but…sometimes you…

there’s been times…in our moments… (video)

i always to try to know in which direction i’m traveling. east  west north etc. some days the noises in your head block everything. and you think you’re touching all directions. four dimensional , almost. the thoughts are scattered. and spread out. and loud. then suddenly they stop. like a needle carelessly taken off the record. loud … a screech. that’s what you hear. it was like you traveled east and north and west all in 30 seconds. it’s tiring. so you look for your book and you can’t find it. where…

wassa matter ?

in the morning you start with a plan. hopefully. or not. but… sometimes…mostly, we have a plan. and , even if you don’t have a plan, you need to do things. do something. even if you need to detour or change your trail or your path, i think we should navigate to things that matter. navigate toward a place where you can do things that matter. where you can matter. i’ve heard people preach their ‘good’ word, while others are looking for spiritual enlightenment… And , though i don’t knock it* , i…

a quiet roar (video)

windy evening with some rain drops. we caught a nice sunset last night. next time i think we’ll chase the wind. hopefully we can catch it… makes me remember … when the girls were babies and we’d sit on the blanket over at The Bluffs parc in malibu… Some nights were so windy i’d have to calm girls down by telling them the wind was friendly and it only came to play with their hair. it worked and they’d shake their hair. silly babies. then they got older … ….and…

and, on the other side it’s my noon.

i think there’s a pull. or a push. or a step forward. and then a few steps back. and it’s fun. and it’s nice. it’s exciting. then, it’s serious. and you find your feet stuck in a bucket of cement. and you can’t move. (but, it’s nice, sometimes,  to be idle…)   funny, you want to step back and watch time and want something to happen. you want to make it happen. but, you don’t because nobody wants to be responsible (for it). because you can watch the clock and think,…

sometimes, well, i don’t know, Juno…

this beast is super cute. the cutest of the cute. you can’t see it here..but she has one of my tenis under her. earlier …i took her on a hike.  then , i showered and dressed.  and…. then she takes my shoe and sits on top of it. it’s how she tells us ‘let’s go for a walk’ ! juno ,the beast , is a good dog. a good hiker. and she turned 2 over the weekend. and we all forgot. but ,since then, we’ve made it up to her. (i…

it was one of those days… (video)

one of those days…. when i was happy my head was attached to me. sometimes i am in lala land. (i think all the world should be in Lalaland) but , even in lalaland , i always like to meet people even when my head is slightly dangling from my neck. i am not broken (completely, anyway) i like to hear about them. about you. (so, what else? tell me!) it is my shy personality that makes me want to know others. it attracts me to learn about people i like. (what…

some people sing…

i’m not one of those people. I’d never sing in front of an audience. never say never. but if i had to sing in front of anyone… i’d have to have a few bottles of wine and some champagne and may be a little rum to sing. and at that time, i’m pretty sure i’d sound pretty terrific. truth! ;) i sing in the shower, though. well, when i’m in the mood and a song pops in my head, etc, etc. i’m more of an independent shower taker and singer.;)…

the places our girls will go…

i’m sure they will go places…i mean, our girls. not just my girls, yours as well. this list may have been repeated here a while ago… but , you know, life is repetitive and so are our words. :) they’ll are and continue to : be brave and courageous stand up and be heard have a voice be silly and funny be humble, but not be pushovers stay beautiful and powerful but modest (is that even possible?!) be nurturing, creative take someone’s breath away have their breath taken be honest and…

far out and totally bitchin… california (desert) dreaming!

driving on Box Cyn Road. and leaving mecca , painted canyons (map)… on our way out of joshua tree…     CAHiking uploaded this video you can see so much! inspiring… wish everyone i know can experience how damn cool this is. :) take a lookie DesertNut uploaded this Ladder Canyon Loop Hike – Mecca Hills, CA, ugg!! love it. and how awesome is this!!? Makes me want to do this everyday!!! who’s with me???!!!