i’d like to be able to make magic soup and chant ancient foreign words casting a magical spell as we make friendship bracelets…. But, I can’t because i’m too comfortably stuck in the state of magical thinking. I’d like to sit and make paper airplanes and watch them float and fly on a calm windy night… But i can’t because i’m busy still stuck in this state of wonderful magical thinking.
We can play and play and play some more. But right now, i’m stuck. It’s what happens when you’re busy wanting something that is hard to get or hard to recover…
sometimes it can be quite demoralizing.
I imagine it’s like being a rodent…
You’re looking in corners…in cabinets…you’re looking for something. you do anything to see or get something. It’s like a baby looking for comfort in his mother’s arms. looking for the tenderness and smells of happiness. Maybe it’s food or shelter or another one of your kind. But while you search for something you hide , you hide like a teenager who knows that he is asking for too much …a teenager who is indulging. and like a rodent , a rat, you look for hiding places so you’re not spotted… Well, maybe not a rat. more like a sly fox. And this fox seems to be finding all the things he wants.
It’s so demoralizing to see two smiling people…two people who evidently are simply crazy about each other and to see them like sly, sneaky little foxes…hiding in the shadows…sneaking a snack…hiding their smiles from everyone else. it’s like you’re watching them get closer but only they see themselves feeling further and further apart. and they see themselves as kleptomaniac rats – stealing every moment or possibility to see each other and take the things they want whether they don’t belong to them or not. They see themselves getting smaller and smaller as they reach a certain desire to head in the same direction. It’s demoralizing to see them feel lonelier and lonelier…
If two people can be crazy about each other like that and feel so incomplete it’s probably simple blind admiration. and the rest is just a temporary state of magical thinking…or paper airplanes that, hopefully, with time, will not dismantle with natural deterioration.
i’m ok stuck here with uncertain feelings of paper airplanes in a room with beautiful light…. so,
Please, DO NOT DISTURB!
So... Nothing. That's it.