so let’s see…. how can i start this current nonsensical talk about nothing.
well, it’s about our identity.
i know i’m here and that i exist. (no, no. don’t roll your eyes, yet).
i can’t type or spell (anymore) or even write a love song or a truly profound short story or one damn single line. but i can definitely say that i admire those who are able to and who do. i don’t envy nor do i get jealous. i wish i would, though. I think it would probably motivate me and spark a fire in me to be more ambitious (?). or something like that… I’m not sure.
i told one of my friends recently: i can live on $5.00 or $5 million… it’s all the same to me. yes , that’s an exaggeration and probably unbelievable but still, that’s who i am. i just live. i like it. it feels genuinely comfortable, yet (i admit) quite limited to me. not very exciting BUT in my daydreams i fight battles and put out fires.
So, is there a point to all this? let’s see… well, there’s really no point only to say that it amazes me on how many personalities so many people have… so many alts, so many characters, etc..
i love when i speak with people and they tell me what they do. then , later, ask me what i do. as in: “hey, nice to meet you….”. “i’m a photographer, i’m a musician, i’m an actor and an art collector, i’m a curator and a doctor or a waitress i’m a trainer i’m a runner i’m this and that…i am i am i am…”. That’s what i hear because that’s what they tell me. then they ask: “… so, what do you do, laura. who is laura?…”
I don’t avoid this question, it only trips me out. what i do and who i am, i guess, is equally the same and different in so many ways.
Me? i’m not sure. I’m Laura. i do graphic design. i do mommy things, i do wife things and i do some hiking, i do some cooking and i so some reading and i do some doodleing…i take my cameras where ever i go.. i snap and shoot and work…, i sometimes run, i work some more… i live, i do this and that…i do i do i do. yes, i am a mom, a wife, a graphic designer and business owner, etc.. that’s also what i do. I have that as my identity, too… i suppose.
but who the hell are we? who am i? and i guess i’m writing this because i want to know … WHO the hell ARE YOU? and why do you have so many flickr accounts and why do you have a different name on facebook and twitter? and are you the same person on the phone and on google+ ? YOU are sooo many people. You are sooo many characters. and they are ALL sooo very charming but, really, who are you? who are they? show your self? why can’t you just be one person? isn’t it less tiring and confusing? it would be less complicated. And you’d be less suspicious and more at ease of ‘conspiracies’. you’d stop looking over your shoulder wondering who has ‘uncovered’ your secret. are you like me?
so…. you and i… we have our idiosyncrasies… yours are less tolerable than mine. well, yes. admit it. i’m right. (don’t laugh, i’m serious.) are we the same? do you climb windows and run to catch bad guys? or do you run from the ‘good’ guys and jump fences and carry multi passports? do you look behind you all the time and……….. maybe wear hats and sunglasses.
wait. what?! uh, yeah, neither do i.
Do you change your identity every year or at every start of each season? Do you do it just for kicks, for fun, and to trip out the others? Do you wonder who you are and who you should be? maybe your moods define who you will be that week, or that day. they define and control which social media account you will use?
the stages we go through… and the steps we take. do you experience the moods that get us to make less rational decisions… the moods that get us to quickly fall in love with someone…. the moods that make us more spontaneous … more susceptible… the moods that make us feel great yet get us in trouble, do you experience those? those moods… they’re so exciting but can equally cause us mental fatigue, no? But maybe that’s exciting and that’s who you are, i guess. Or not. So……choose who you are. try to know who you are then show yourself off. i’m sure you’re really beautiful and interesting behind all those identities. but seriously, i hope you, at least, know who you want to be. and i hope you achieve getting your one great identity and that you like it. But in case you keep all your personalities, just share them with me so i can chose the one i prefer or the one to avoid.
Me, i’m nobody and i have no special talent. i’m not a doctor or a teacher or and actor or a writer. I’m not even a blogger. i’m not a social network junkie.
I have one flickr account , adailynote, google + and facebook… all under the same persona.
me, i’m just curious about you and about this and that…and i’m wandering physically and in mind…and wondering and curious on how i can make this thing and that. and i’m curious on how to get here and there. and i want to know how long it will take me to climb over that over there… and then i go find out.
but, no. i’m not looking to find a home or looking to find my place in this tiny world. i’m not looking to fit in or to hide under a rock…. to feed my soul or fill my heart. no, i’m not. i’m just looking. so excuse me while i find out how to do all that
perhaps you’re probably just like me… or similar in many ways. but if you are , please dont tell me because i want to think im unique…one of a kind. and come to think of it , i’m probably just like you. but dont worry i wont tell a soul…
i’ll get back with you on what i do and who i am because, by now, i think i’ve changed my mind on who i want to be.
(and yes… you can wipe all that barf off , now. (and maybe i’ll re-read and choke a little- need to edit but i won’t))