day eight – black and uninspired

weddings and funerals. that’s what this year will bring us.
the loss of a person. their death… being a free spirit  in who-knows-where.  the loss of being single and free…the unity with another person…or with the higher being…

i don’t like to shop.
i like to browse. i don’t like looking for a particular item …i just want to check things out and if i find something i like, i’ll take it.

I went with my girls to buy black dresses to wear for their grandfather’s funeral. while i like black, i don’t like it for funerals. but it is a formal event and we want it to be beautiful. we found a dress for alex and a black top for dani. we looked for a silk tie for husband. it had to be silk and sharp and black because my dad has to have ‘only the best’ per his son-in-law. ( i thought that was nice of charlie to say. he doesn’t just throw out a lot of nice things- so i was a little taken and found i nice (no offense husband).

these past few months… six to be exact,  have been a rush. a fog. a trip. a crash… we’ve been high and low and nowhere in between.

funerals and weddings and the birth of brand new babies bring people together.
sometimes, friends  limp their way there. sometimes the joy or sorrow makes them run there.
in these events we’ll talk to our friends and family. we’ll talk about kids and grandchildren and their achievements and their milestones. the grandparents will show off  how smart and advanced and sweet the babies are. we’ll talk and gossip about the selfish aunt or cold uncle and the insensitive cousins. we’ll talk about the over sensitive , melodramatic sisters and aunts. we’ll smile at the tender moments when we embrace a long lost relative or a long term friend. and kick ourselves for losing touch with them. we’ll sigh when we hear the sweet and genuine words that pour out of that wise old aunt. we’ll feel our pregnant cousin’s belly. we’ll celebrate a new life. our chest will tighten when we think of losing a loved one in our life and gain a new one in just  days to come.

we’ll walk around and make sure everyone has what they need, a chair , a drink, a smile , some tissue, company. we’ll worry about the ones with sad eyes or heavy shoulders. we’ll sit with them. we’ll celebrate with the ones who just announced a promotion or an engagement or  some new diet they have conquered. we’ll look around and admire the ones who look healthy and happy and fit and the ones who can handle their drinks. we’ll spot the ones who need to call a cab. we’ll wonder about those who look so different- a sudden weight loss. we’ll worry but hope everything is okay.

then as we slowly exhale…we’ll look around and find the one that knows exactly what we’re thinking and feeling. we’ll know how they feel– they’ll feel just as we do. we’ll sit and without saying a single word reminisce about happy times or tragic times…
burials and hospice care and babies and weddings and friends and family dressed up… in black.

so nothing….this is what i thought when i took this foto of this tie. that’s it.
but……..and…….. we didn’t get the tie. husband found a better one else where.

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