Dear mood-regulating neurotransmitter serotonin god, hi, it’s me… um.. Autumn is here. that’s all. Hey, the short days are here… So, are you ready? get that good music out and pretend it’s summertime by the lake. get to the grocery store and grab your self some oranges. get out to the nursery and smell some lavender. and bring some home… get out some candles and light up the house. the kitchen , too. laugh at everything. anything. at me, even. smile. a lot. snuggle with a baby or kitty or dog. take a walk. not on the wild side. just a walk. look at other peopleRead More →

          … well, something like that. it was for about an hour, anyway– life was a bowl of hot coffee.                   fresh, hot, milky coffee.                             this little bit of time made me happy. well, many moments do.                       impermanent moments. fleeting moments.                   but, in retrospect ,  i wish they’d last a little longer and i wish they’d taste as good asRead More →

Sometimes i doodle on the “MEMO” app on my fone. i take notes, too. but i doodle a lot..with my finger… just for kicks and for …well, nothing. for nothing. Le Petit Prince. because,  well, rest in peace prince. and i like le petit prince… so this is what i had in mind when i heard  the news on the radio this morning that prince was dead. i pictured prince as let petit prince with the birds…hee. i like prince’s music. always have.   i like prince. and le petit prince. :) rest in peace prince. not sure what this was about… but it was relevant.Read More →

  this is a love poem for you to let you know someone loves you without regrets, without expectations, without pride. it’s only simple and genuine love. who knows where this love came from? or when this love happened? or how love began? love can’t answer these questions. in light or darkness, in public or secret. in a lonely house, in a crowded space, there is love for you. it’s enough that you are loved. and, when you find that this love poem is treu and only for you, you’ll feel a fire and a desire. and without fail, you’ll feel happy. or a littleRead More →

when you got something to hold you up… it’s comforting. when you got something that holds you back…it’s a burden. when you got something to hold down… it’s exhausting. when you talk and talk and hold forth… it’s tedious. when you give and give and finally hold out… it’s unnatural. when you can’t express yourself freely and you need to hold it in… it’s discouraging. when you wait, and wait, and you hold off… it’s uncertain. when you ponder and exhale and you hold on… it’s reassuring. and when things don’t work out as planned… you just gotta get a firm hold on yourself (and say, ‘fuckRead More →

in a waiting room…. you look at the magazines rack and leaf through old unwanted books. your eyes move to the ceiling , then glance at the floor. you don’t make eye contact with anyone else, instead you look at the walls but there’s no clock. you look at your fone and check the time. your eyes to turn to the front door and see more people coming in to wait. your eyes glance at the receptionist. you notice the artificial flowers carefully placed next to the real orchids on the counter. why would you mix silk plants with a live plant, i wonder? youRead More →

when my friend and I were chatting the other day… we talked about when someone’s big smile is noticeable. we notice when he/she compliments everything and everyone around him/her. he/she finds good and beauty in everything. all. the. time. this isn’t unusual. what’s unusual is when he/she talks about how wonderful everything is in every single breath. “in love” is our first thought. and we thought of people who falls in love once in a while. or once only. others who seamlessly flirt in every breath and comment and conversation. and, others who fall in love quite often! all the time. some people fall in love all the time. they never fall out of it. it seems. theyRead More →

when i was little , i heard people say , “only boring people are bored.”. well, i thought it was treu. i mean nothing is anywhere until you place it there. so if you place boredom, then things will be boring. i think. maybe. when my girls say to me, “i’m bored !” , i always tell them two things: 1) well, make yourself useful. or 2) i’ll find something for you to do. hee. they don’t appreciate that. mostly i find chores for them to do. when i go anywhere i can’t help find ‘happiness’. i always think, if you want something done, you gottaRead More →

we’ve been growing an orange tree. we went to an earth day celebration several years ago and we got fruit trees that day. i wanted an orange tree. it was a baby. an itty bitty branch with tender stems of pure citrus, untouched by chemicals. and, that season it gave us a few oranges. blood oranges. it’s been several years since that. about 10, actually. and, now, it has dozens of oranges. pale, they look like large lemons. they’re not blood oranges anymore. pollination? i don’t know what happened. but it’s my baby. i love it. its scent of happiness, well,  it’s better than christmas magic. thereRead More →

So i hate hate hate short days… (hate’s an aggressive and strong word, i know…but i don’t care!) So, on short days… i find myself moping around…and it sucks. but… BUT , at the same time, i love this time of year… i love halloween and the scents and pumkin and corn bread… AND it must be my internal clock and my own internal therapy or something…but i also find myself doing this stuff: (gah, another list!) redecorating things… i painted the walls bleu. it’s my mood. not bleu as in sad, bleu as in mellow and calm…i loves me the bleus! taking down andRead More →

there are many miles to go. a quiet dawn. like a cozy black hole or a welcoming void. a little melancholy in the cool air. the sun is just about to rise. birds chirping and stirring near their nests. and rustling leaves on branches on trees. soft pounding on the wet pavement with its first guest a little nostalgic melody is composed.     but one day…the miles will be shorter… and, one day you’ll get wings. but until then… you just run. and, it feels good. little raindrops  Read More →

does every household have an elefant in the living room ? i’m sure they do. sometimes it’s wild and pink other times it’s bleu and too mellow and… ….other times it’s tamed and contained in a frame.   Bou’s art when she was 3, and 7. she’s a doll. each piece of art she paints she tells me it’s just for me. (i think charlie will have to not read this. hee.)Read More →

while you were losing yourself, and looking for yourself… and too busy finding yourself…. i was reinventing …myse… um… I was just re-decorating… and maybe re-painting… or maybe just re-arranging …or…. was i fabricating ? hmmm… i was doing something. it was fun. because looking out the windows may be beautiful… but… starring at the walls is clearly underrated…     and… …talking to the walls is completely acceptable around here. :)  Read More →

they say, when you’re crazy, you can get along with everyone. well, i should rephrase…they say, everyone lets you be ‘you’. so, when you’ve lost your mind and you’re crazy and completely lost,  in your head, you are an ultra social butterfly that gets along and plays well with others. never mind, that, they…others just let you do what you want and let you socialize with whom you want because, well,  you’re crazy.    Read More →

a stroll in the hollywood hills… and this view never gets old. paradise hues. there’s something about this place… something that lets you think that you are able to achieve anything… all your hopes and dreams and quirky little desires… you can do it! (even if, in reality, you won’t*)       los angeles and its paradise hues** this place… it makes you fall in love… fall to pieces… fall prey of… fall down… fall in place… and fall into a trap… but when you stumble, and you will stumble, it makes you think it forgave you and lets you pick yourself up and dust yourself off andRead More →

i always to try to know in which direction i’m traveling. east  west north etc. some days the noises in your head block everything. and you think you’re touching all directions. four dimensional , almost. the thoughts are scattered. and spread out. and loud. then suddenly they stop. like a needle carelessly taken off the record. loud … a screech. that’s what you hear. it was like you traveled east and north and west all in 30 seconds. it’s tiring. so you look for your book and you can’t find it. where is Tennessee? i think i lost him. and you think of the words inside. andRead More →